So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
