the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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