Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
