She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
