yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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