I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
