I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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