I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
