Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
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