She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
