One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
