Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
