Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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