A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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