saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I just googled if crying burns calories
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
