I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
