you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
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