My room smells like vodka and shame
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Randomize