We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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