Tell her she can't have a vagina
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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