I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
