No awkward lesbian experiences without me
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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