so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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