im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize