Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
