a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
