He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
