This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
