hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
