I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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