I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
pray to the hookup gods
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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