I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Randomize
