She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I cut my penus on the lid.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
