Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
