I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
