I want to make a zoo with you.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
