Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
