dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
