remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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