if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
