His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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