i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
