Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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