I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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