i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
