For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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