you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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