my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
