how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
