so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
