And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
