my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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