Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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