Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
