A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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