oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
