I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
