Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
