My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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