So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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