I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
