I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize