they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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