And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
