is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
