Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
