i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
