that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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