Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I just threw up on my dentist
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
