did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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