haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Randomize
