Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
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