Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
dude. I can hear the air.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
