if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
worst night to have a conscience
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
soo... how was my night?
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