I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
