The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
