New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
