PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
