She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
