I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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