the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
