i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
