she kept yelling 'call me bella'
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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