Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
