"it" just moved
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
