Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
