Swine flu. Run for my life!
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
