Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
