maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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